The Best, by Sweeney Toad

The Best

by Sweeney Toad

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1.	Break the Bank 02:30	lyrics	buy track
Got my tinted sunglasses sitting on my face I printed up passes got tickets to my wake Listen to mistakes but I never learn from them If you knock on my door I'll tell you to come in Let's run them jewels like fools we robbing the bank Just need quick cash I'm bombing the place Blow up the vault you know it's your fault Rap circles around you flow is a somersault Quick like a thunderbolt get money life did us dirty Life left me high dry funny damn I'm thirsty I am that guy I'm goddamn nerdy My get away car is a goddamn horsey Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Ride up to the bank I wave to the tourists They see me my crew our great horses I gave courses on how to rob banks And all my students praised me, THANKS We enter the bank they hit us with the side eyes I swear to god ladies we are the nice guys We are just here to steal your money And get away on a horse because it is funny Oh my God there is a horse in the bank vault With a subwoofer attached playing Hoobastank LOL I'm just a dude bro robbing a bank I just farted bombing the place Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank Hey today I just may break the bank
2.	House Arrest 01:42	lyrics	buy track
I been so use to staying home I got the vaccine I'll finally go But now I don't want to Why's outside haunt you I don't like it out there frankly it's scary Outside feels painstakingly hairy That's a situation I don't want to be a part of Vaccine passport just got carded I mean what do you expect Trade some bullshit little respect But I'm scared to go outside people stupid American dream is full on lucid Why my brain always do me like this Why I'm conditioned to fear the virus And why this got to be such a struggle Why's seeing your face make me bug out I don't want to leave here I put myself on house arrest I don't want to leave here I put myself on house arrest I don't want to leave here I put myself on house arrest I don't want to leave here I put myself on house arrest
3.	All Cops Are Hamsters 02:14	lyrics	buy track
I got this little hamster coming up to the side of my car He wants to know why I was speeding back there I'm like what I'm like excuse me sir that's none of your business you're just a hamster He starts squealing he gets all mad he demands my respect nah sir I don't owe you a god damn thing you just a hamster wearing a tiny cop uniform And I knew you'd squirm inside that hamster wheel of justice Your system justification smells musty You can't arrest me your hands are too tiny my little hamster sir Your handcuffs are hamster sized but at least they are furry with fur All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters All cops are hamsters
4.	Space Bar 01:01	lyrics	buy track
Whip me up a pan galactic gargle blaster Make my mind time travel through portals faster Now my brain is gone at the space bar Taste tar in the back of the deepest reaches of my throat Feels like roaches that are smoked with leaches as they coat my lungs Are we having fun yet At the space bar We are at the space bar We are at the space bar We are at the space bar Whip me up a pan galactic gargle blaster Make my mind time travel through portals faster Now my brain is gone at the space bar Taste tar in the back of the deepest reaches of my throat
5.	Brace Yourself 03:59	lyrics	buy track
Brace yourself I've placed your wealth in crypto time capsules We got no beef these rhymes I speak are simply fine cattle Find unicorn saddles in the attic it's magic in fact Encounter sea sirens enlightened with panic attacks Brace yourselves stock your shelves with plungers for plumbing Toilets overflow afterglow of the second coming I've got rhymes so sweet I'm practically pissing out honey I was named best rapper by the magazine Fishing and Hunting I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Got to get it off my chest, I'm the best I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Brace yourself I'm a mess, I'm trying my best There was quite a big drop at the quick stop on lip gloss All of a sudden everyone wanted to kiss cops All of the husbands did something to piss rocks Kidney stones and moans from their cis cocks Sit tight in the train station waiting on a staycation Watching DVDs of Three's Company on a PlayStation You are craving the touch of a make up brush Drinking Four Lokos taking photos of your tongue soaked in thrush Hush my darling you're getting vax card carded Immune to inflammation explanation flame retardant Skid marks in the park from a bank heist getaway Sativa in the Prius Hybrid is the same high anyway Brace yourselves stock your shelves with plungers for plumbing Toilets overflow afterglow of the second coming I've got rhymes so sweet I'm practically pissing out honey I was named best rapper by the magazine Fishing and Hunting I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Got to get it off my chest, I'm the best I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Brace yourself I'm a mess, I'm trying my best Cooking up something good custard filled crab cakes Delight at the sight of mustard in the grill with my pancakes I can't stand fakes I only like real photo holograms Check my trajectory on my go pro follow cam I know my flow is the bottom can in the trash bin pyramid If you think new vaccines are cash in experiments Keep chewing that spearmint gum your dumb and gullible I'll smash your colorful candy land board because it's fun and wonderful Some kind of uncomfortable is a good descriptor of the universe Awkward like your dead sister dragged behind a scooter hearse Gawked at by the AIDS Walk passersby Ancient alien impatient scaly skin pray us bastards die, goodbye Brace yourselves stock your shelves with plungers for plumbing Toilets overflow afterglow of the second coming I've got rhymes so sweet I'm practically pissing out honey I was named best rapper by the magazine Fishing and Hunting I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Got to get it off my chest, I'm the best I'm the best I'm the best, I'm the best Brace yourself I'm a mess, I'm trying my best
6.	This Ain't Over Yet 03:05	lyrics	buy track
Why I always got to hear you run your nonsense mouth Spouting all that doubt let the daunting monsters out I got to drift away I'm a stranger to sobriety Misinformation lays waste danger to society One percent is hide and seek finding those in plain sight Why can't I ever get my timing planned right I can't stand light so I stay blacked out Never go outside so I don't wear my mask out Never show my face cause I'm a turtle hermit I only smoke the best weed I got my purple permit I only get the best sleep you know I loose leaf burn it I only smoke the best green they call me Kushy Kermit I find you annoying hope you're held accountable Search and destroy you're a whole different animal Karma is a cannibal they'll eat you alive Can't stand the thought of you let's see if you die Ayo ayo This ain't over yet You going to die tonight Want to make a bet Ayo ayo This ain't over yet You going to die tonight Want to make a bet I hate your Hitler haircut and your little mustache You dropped all your pill bottles in the middle of your blunt stash If you must ask I'm an addict wasted wealth Ashamed of health hate you cause I hate myself Need to see you get punished for your crimes Every time I see you I die a little inside So I run and hide it's always my escape Take comfort in the plastic hallways that I lay Can't wait to see you pay for all of my mistakes Can't wait to see you pray to all of your fakes Can't wait to see you underneath the lake Can't wait to see you see me eat all of my cake I need to wake up left my mind on the shelf I need to wake up blind can't see myself It was fun but I'm done it cost my health For a minute there I'm numb I almost lost myself Ayo ayo This ain't over yet You going to die tonight Want to make a bet Ayo ayo This ain't over yet You going to die tonight Want to make a bet
7.	Friendship Bracelet 03:24	lyrics	buy track
You the best boy destroy all the other puppers Walk you everyday in the hot doggie summer You slumber all day on the cold tile panels Animal planet is your favorite channel And damn yo why you barking so loud You hear those bad guys outside so proud Mistaking the sound of the TV doorbell for the real thing Who's at the door? It's a mystery You know we got history had you since a puppy You always let me know when you get hungry After puppy dinner you know you always get a treat Then we play fetch always bring your toy to my feet Then it's time to sleep yes once again You the best boy you my best friend You taught me bout friendship no lessons wasted You my best friend wear my friendship bracelet You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me Stand on your hind legs and clap your paws fast I always laugh when you do your puppy dance It must be rad to always be so happy I swear every single day you always be clapping This friendship lasting and all y'all are jelly Gave you a bath when you start to get smelly Once you get clean you shake off the water Try to dry you off why do I bother I lost your collar once so I made a replacement It's a black and white friendship bracelet I laced it up and you wear it around your face Put a bell on it hear every sound you make In case I misplace it ever again I'll make you a new one you're my best friend You taught me bout friendship no lessons wasted You my best friend wear my friendship bracelet You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me You ain't got no harness, you ain't got no leash You just got a best friendship bracelet made by me
8.	Change the World 02:30	lyrics	buy track
Make sure this world full of nothing but females Watch them frolic on the beach wearing nothing but seashells Kill every man on the planet Make room for an all female cabinet No more sadness just women making out No more men full lesbian dykeing out Women making children from their pussy juices No need any longer for sperm it is useless This is how I change the world Who needs men when you have girls Oh miss lovely eyes No one will miss these ugly guys This is how I change the world Who needs men when you have hoes Only women on the planet I'd have it no other way Move all the men to Mars those bros they can be gay Women will play they will last all night Maybe get into the occasional cat fight They will make up and they will make out They will get each other pregnant then they will play house All the men can leave it is time for them to go home Females rule the planet no more Y chromosome This is how I change the world Who needs men when you have girls Oh miss lovely eyes No one will miss these ugly guys This is how I change the world Who needs men when you have hoes
9.	Some Innocent Man Person 03:39	lyrics	buy track
I love you so much I'll be whatever you need I'll be whatever you want instead of just me I'll sell my condo get that big house in the suburbs Get a second house overseas for the summer I'll drop all my friends because they're out of our league I know I'm better now and you would never leave I know I better be supportive of your every need I'm just a mutt you're a pure bred pedigree I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy I'll drive a nicer car my old one was crappy I'll gladly take you to your personal trainer He looks in my eyes like bro I have banged her I smile and nod because I know that you love me This is all worth it one day I'll be your husband And my cousins think I'm making a mistake I'll cut them out of our life they are snakes Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I'll make the transformation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I reek of desperation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me You look like the real thing you taste like the real thing We are in love and I know you can feel me You can heal me I know that you're love is real No prenuptial agreement that is our deal We're in it for the long haul you know I will stand tall I will never stumble you know that I can't fall I could be who you wanted always at your beck and call I'm not just a brick I am your whole wall When your lips get chapped I'll put on the petroleum When the bed's not big enough I'll sleep on linoleum And you're cold again you taste like lipstick No matter how hard I try you're always distant And I carry doubt and it freaks me out And I'm barely proud and it scares me now And it wears me out and it wears me out And it wears me out and it wears me out Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I'll make the transformation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I reek of desperation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I'll make the transformation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me Like a woodpecker peck peck pecking at a plastic tree I'll be anything you want me to be I reek of desperation you will see In a long plastic hallway just you and me
10.	Stay Low 03:59	lyrics	buy track
Stepping out the house forget about the doubt Pretend you're a man about town clouded with clout Get your car from the impound car lot bar hop Hit your dealer up for garbage pot You thought about the thots playing pool by the jukebox Picture them with no clothes those are your nude thoughts You got your Rude Dog tank top from the dry cleaner Bleached it like your wife's hair it's a wife beater Nine liter Pepsi in the back of your pick up Mixed up with vodka now you got to hiccup Lick up your own vomit like a homeless dog Sat under the bridge got stoned with a frog Sat on a log and contemplated smoking crack Caught COVID-19 should of inoculated knowing that It's growing back in your guts like virginity You'll lose it again in prison in a week You should have stayed home homie I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa Now you got abducted by ancient aliens FFTW faintly for the win Plain as day the earth is overrated Spaceship with a spoiler overcompensated They came to impress they came to dissect They'll get lost in your thoughts brain implant introspect Info check test the knowledge in your brain beta Not the final test mess with our frame data But your brain works different genes spliced with pigments Of an alien hybrid grey you're just a figment Of the imagination of an alien race Experimented on barely awake This is your place so stay ducked down Join them on the journey to abduct all the cows You should of stayed home found the joy in you We're in this together yo soy tu You should have stayed home homie I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa I feel safe when I stay home Make mistakes that's ok though Keep it low key I stay low Whoa whoa whoa whoa